Hypothetical Confessions

So...i don't really know where to start, so i guess i'll start at the begining...This is all 'hypothetical' i remind you...

SO...i have the girl who is my best friend, now we've been friends for a very long time and she knows more about me than any other person on the planet, i'm not even kidding....except...there is this thing, that i've been withholding from her for a couple of months now, and i feel like i cant tell her, and for a number of reasons...so let me just explain this hypothetical situation.

So, there is this guy we are best friends with...all three of us...very good friends...but i met him through her...so, in a sense they were friends first...lets call him EDWARD...and edward, i found out, is so in love with my friend, lets call her...um...Tina...YEAH! her name is tina...ok so edward likes tina...ALOT...and she doesn't know this but edward told me on the phone not too long about...well he didn't flat out say it but he might as well have said he still loves her, as more than a friend. now my 'hypothetical' problem that i cannot tell her about is that...i've fallen in love with him, as more than a friend, and he is all i ever thinko about, yes there has been distractions, but mostly its about him...on those days when she see's me cries and thinks its because of my ex...what she doesn't know is that i get so upset because this hypothetical problem will never be resolved, you see, there are a whole list of things that could come from her knowing this...like if she found out, she's sure to be upset and try to tell me not to waste my time in liking him because he will never like me the same way back, i know she would be jelous if i dated him which would cause more problems...you see, i don't really like her boyfriend at the moment and i would give anything for her to dump him, but my fear of that is...her and edward would be dating...and even though i would try not to show it...i think it would kill me....i would literaly have to take myself out of the equation....i mean take myself out of the group because i wouldn't be able to handle being her friend if she constantly talked of edward the way she does her current boyfriend to me. it almost kills me to see that they are so close the way it is....and another problem...say edward did know i really liked him...whose to say that if tina and her man split up, he edward wouldn't just dump me and date her...now that would kill me...and it would suck if she tried to talk him out of dating me...haha...funny hypothetical story for you...so say these two girls put two little corked bottles on a chain for edward, and we said aloud what we had written on the notes we shoved inside of them...but hypothetically i sort of lied...i DID put down what i said aloud, but i added to the bottem 'WISH U WERE MINE'.....thank god we hypothetically super glued those bottles shut...and no one ever has to know that i really put that, not even edward....

there are so many more problems that would arrise if all this were true also, but i just don't feel like writting them anymore....all i can say is that, the day i met 'edward' was the day that all my pain from 'tony' went away. and i wish that were enough...enough to make her happy that i liked him, and enough to make him love me the way he loves her...but no matter what i do, nothing is ever enough, and there is always a price to pay. hypothetically, i had a dream the other night...i had a dream that i was at my wedding, and i was walking towards edward...i cried when i woke up because i want it to be true so bad that it hurts...

hopefully neither of them never find this...i've stopped writting on here for a few months because i had nothing to say and so i hope she doesn't just randomly check this...but i guess i'll know if she ever does find this because one of two things will happen...or possibly both....she will

1) bite my head off

or

2)never speak to me again

I'm thinking maybe i shouldn't post this...but i need to get it off my chest...it's wearing a hole through my body, not being able to tell anyone...but if 'Edward' does find this i have one thing to say to you...

'Edward'-
You really are the hazlenut to my caramel mochioto, I love you so much, and i hope that some day you will feel the same way for me, but until that day comes, IF that day ever comes, when you tell me you love me too, this is the one and only time those words will come from me to you as more than a friend...i know that this could either make things 200 percent better, or this could blow up in my face, so i'm letting the chips fall where they may and letting fate handle the rest.

-love pixie